Am I Really an Alcoholic?
Research suggests that the answer isn't so simple
Have you ever run into an old school friend and been surprised by how different they are from how you remembered them? The kid you remembered as the class clown is now a hardworking business owner or the smartest girl in school became an artist instead of a lawyer? What about when that old school friend ends up struggling with a drug or alcohol problem? Would it be something you expect of them, or would it come as a complete surprise?
There are many reasons why someone ends up "abusing" alcohol, but most of us can conjure up in our minds how we see an “alcoholic.” An alcoholic is often viewed as someone who drinks a lot, is unreliable, doesn’t take care of themselves, doesn’t turn up to important events, and lies regularly and lets people down.
But what about the “high-functioning alcoholic” who is the successful executive at a company, or the stay-at-home mother who binge drinks on weekends, or the person who secretly struggles with debilitating anxiety and alcohol is the one thing that can settle their nerves?
People who struggle with alcohol come from all walks of life, have various backgrounds and present in many different ways. But our preconceived notions of them matter: The way we perceive ourselves and the perceptions others have of us influence our thoughts and our behavior and are crucial in our recovery from addictions.
The way we interpret the world
There are several ways to look at how one ends up struggling with alcoholism; from a spiritualist, environmentalist, biological, or psychological perspective. I recommend a holistic approach that allows for them all, and I’ve explored the biological and spiritual perspectives in previous articles. Today I’d like to examine the psychological perspective I refer to as the psychotherapist and traumatists camp (in The Abstinence Myth) to explain addiction.
This camp requires us to examine alcohol dependence through the lens of the past. It looks at the subjective experience of the individual and how they interpret the world. The way we view the world, and ourselves, evolve from our early experiences and the beliefs that form in childhood.
When these internal beliefs are primarily negative and unresolved, they can lead to emotional, social and psychological struggles in adulthood. It's not uncommon (60-90%, depending on the study) for an individual with an alcohol or substance abuse problem to have a history of trauma or mental health problems. This may include child abuse, sexual violence, PTSD, anxiety, depression and more. I’ve seen them all among my students/clients.
The psychotherapist and traumatist camp focuses on supporting individuals to resolve emotions and unravel negative belief systems to improve coping, mood, general well-being, and relationships. In this way, alcohol abuse is seen as a symptom, not the problem (a view that I support wholeheartedly).
The characters we play
We play many roles in our lives: the mother, father, daughter, brother, colleague, boss, etc. We also play other roles, known as archetypes that may include being the joker, the dependable one, the carefree one or the serious type.
"The characters we play in our lives become more real and more known than the full human beings we are” –Adi Jaffe
We often mold these archetypes through experience, reinforcement and either positive or negative feedback from others. But what happens when our ‘archetype' no longer serve us? For instance, if the carefree type becomes mired in self-doubt and stress, or the dependable one becomes crushed by unrealistic perfectionistic expectations?
When we stray from these roles, do people’s views of us shift too? Can we adjust our own expectations of ourselves?
The Pygmalion effect
Psychologist Robert Rosenthal named this give-and-take relationship between individuals and those around them, the “Pygmalion effect.”
Informed by research, the theory behind the Pygmalion effect claims that what we believe about others actually affects their behavior and performance. The higher the expectations that we put on people, the better they will perform (check this out). By the same token, if we place low expectations on people, then they will perform poorly (one example is stereotype threat). This is a big problem faced by individuals struggling with addiction. I used these experiments throughout my TEDxUCLA talk if you want to check that out.
The Pygmalion effect is potent, as it leads us to behave in ways that are consistent with the role of the ‘character' others expect of us. To put it simply, when someone believes you will act in a particular way, this expectation will influence your behavior so that you do play your part in maintaining the role. For reference, see what happens to a group of students assigned prisoner or guard roles in the infamous Stanford Prison experiment for an example of just how extreme our reaction to expectations. So, that could explain why when you bump into the ‘school clown’ they fall back into that role of joking around- even though they have a respectable job, and three children and lots of serious responsibilities- because that’s what you expect of them.
When someone takes on the role of an "addict" or "alcoholic," they will continue to be seen as one, by themselves and others, even when this label no longer applies. And unfortunately, the way we see “addicts” in our culture, we tend to believe that this particular label supersedes nearly all others in its relevance and impact. That’s why so many people work so hard to avoid having it applied to them. It’s like the Mark of Cain.
Confirmation bias
But it gets worse. Once we establish a belief about ourselves, our brains tend to focus on information that supports that belief, rather than information that contradicts it. This is known as the confirmation bias.
Confirmation bias is an important psychological concept, as it helps our brains to process a great deal of information and efficiently categorize or explain it. It means we don’t have to take in too much detail and we can move on with something else.
For example, if you have two children and one of them is perceived as an angel while the other is a bit of a trouble maker, you will likely ignore, or completely miss, naughty behaviors by the “good” kid because they don’t fit in with your accepted view of them. In the same way, when your “bad” child does something good, he’ll be left feeling upset and ignored that no one noticed! The confirmation bias has been found to lead to errors in medical decisions, police actions and experimental studies. And it’s probably taking place right now as you read this article…
If we start to see ourselves as an alcoholic, then we will begin to see all of our actions as falling in line with those of an alcoholic. And we will continue to see ourselves as an alcoholic, even when we no longer behave in ways consistent with being an alcoholic.
“Alcoholic” becomes the identity.
As a brain shortcut, the confirmation bias does serve a purpose in daily life. However, when we don't challenge or pay attention to our bias, it means we disregard the finer details- when they do actually matter.
So others may see you as an alcoholic even when you're not drunk, or haven’t been drunk in years. Because they associate you with alcoholism, a view that is widely supported as “once an addict always an addict.” This makes it difficult for people who are in recovery because they sometimes feel that no matter how hard they try, no one takes notice of what they are doing well - only when they make a mistake.
Once you or others label you as an alcoholic you’re no longer a person who has other struggles to deal with. The label discounts the fact that you’ve experienced childhood trauma, or you’re depressed due to an unexpected redundancy, or anxiety in social situations. They believe that you’re an alcoholic, and those problems arise BECAUSE of your condition. But in reality, those struggles are often the real problems that have to be treated; and “alcoholism” is just the symptom.
The confirmation bias means that the addiction is all we see, and it’s all other people will see too.
This is why I so firmly believe that abstinence is not the solution for everyone. Because not everyone is struggling with the same problem.
What’s the alternative?
When we look at alcohol as the problem, it keeps the person trapped in the addiction, because it makes them feel hopeless.
“For many people, abstinence is the best solution, but no matter what, being addicted doesn’t mean that nothing else in life matters." —Adi Jaffe, The Abstinence Myth
In my experience, when the underlying issues are addressed, recovery from alcohol and drugs is substantially more likely to happen. Deep help that addresses more than just the drinking, will result in people actually welcoming, rather than resisting, recovery. Help that doesn’t just ask “did you drink today?” but rather asks “how are you feeling?”
But so many people won’t seek help when the only solution is complete abstinence. They can’t fathom a life without the only strategy they’ve had for managing it.
It's vital that we challenge our perceptions, become aware of our brain's shortcuts, and try to look beyond the symptoms—to look behind those and see a person struggling with a lot more than just an alcohol problem. And if that person has taken steps toward recovery, then we have to celebrate this for what it is. Remember: If you expect someone to fail, they probably will. If we think positively, believe in others, then they are more likely to rise to the challenge.
If you or a loved one is struggling with addiction but feels shamed or held back by the 12-Step approach, the IGNTD Hero Program is here to help with a free 14 day trial.